Ahhh...

It's like I've finally let out a huge breath after holding it for months. Things were a little crazy at the time of the last F-O-G. Okay, downright insane. I was having a hard time seeing how it was all going to end well. But, like always, everything has worked out beautifully.

I'm back in software development and really loving my work again. I spent the first two days beginning to learn a whole different language to begin writing our next generation of software. On day three, my new boss called me to say that he'd like me to spend the majority of my time each week fixing bugs in the old version and just a portion of the time learning the new stuff. In other words: My perfect job. It seems pretty amusing that I've finally got the job that I was so looking forward to having when they decided to outsource our development. It's what I'm really good at and what I enjoy the most. All in all I'm not sure it could have worked out any better. My level of stress at work has dropped to almost nothing and it feels SOOO good to like what I'm doing. Hooray!

Things with David have also worked out surprisingly well. We've found a really nice balance between seeing each other all the time (like we were when we were pretty serious) and not seeing each other at all (like we did when we broke up last time). I still enjoy his company and still value his advice. And at the same time, I am starting to date again. I've had one first date (which sadly didn't go all that well) but it's good to at least be in the game. The idea of starting from scratch with a whole new person is simultaneously very exciting and totally intimidating. I'm glad to not feel like I'm in a rush and to also grateful to have a very clear idea of what I'm looking for. So, if you know any fabulous men (you can introduce the mediocre ones to your other women friends) then send them my way!

Ethan is officially a kindergartener. Hard to believe my boy could possibly be old enough to go to school! At the end of last year, the group of people working with Ethan at the school and myself sat down for our end of the year conference a nd decided that Ethan was probably not ready to be one of 25 kids in a mainstream kindergarten class. But fortunately, we live in a city with an AMAZING school district and they have a special program (called OASIS) for children who are not quite ready to be dumped into a regular classroom. I spent a while getting over the fact that Ethan would be in a "special education" class and that it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with him. It got much easier when I started to hear what the program really entails. Basically, they offer the kids the support they need to be successful. Ethan's classmates attend the special classes (art, health, music, gym) with a regular kindergarten class. And, as they are able, they are put into the regular kindergarten class for periods of time that they can handle. Ethan LOVES it. He comes home to tell me that he was on green light (of green, yellow, red) almost every day. He is learning darling little songs like "what's the weather" which he sings to me all the time. He is doing well across the board and is feeling really good about himself and his learning. It's so exciting! Ethan sometimes has a hard time sitting still and paying attention so I had some fears that his school experience would be really tough on him. Lucky for us it's been just the opposite. One really great perk for me is that Ethan's program operates on an extended kindergarten day so I get about 6.5 straight hours to work before I have to take a break and go out to the bus to get him. I'm not sure I could have dreamed up a better situation for all of us. Hooray!

Ethan is really starting to try to understand how time works in the world. He is asking questions about concepts like "before" and "after". "Yesterday" and "Tomorrow". How many minutes in an hour, how many days in a week, how long a LONG time is. His inquiry has resulted in some of the best questions! The other day he said "Mommy" and paused for quite a long time before he asked me "Were you born when the dinosaurs were alive?". For him, dinosaurs were around a LONG time ago. And Mommy has been around for a LONG time. So maybe I might have met a dinosaur that I am just not telling him about. There was also the meal where he asked a seemingly endless list of questions that he must have been saving up including "what do whales eat" and "why can't chickens fly". It's amazing how many things I don't know and how many questions "Let's google it" is actually the answer for!

We were in the car the other day when I decided that it was time for me to get a Love and Logic refresher. That is the parenting style that I've been working with since I got introduced to it at Ethan's school. Ethan asked me what I was going to listen to as I was fishing around in the CD case. And when I told him, he replied with a dramatic sigh in the back seat. "Mommy, don't listen to a word they say. They are just trying to trick the children!" which of course cracked me up. But I put it in anyway and about 10 minutes later I heard another gasp from the back seat. Ethan had been listening along with me to the story on the tape. "Oh my gosh mommy! You have actually said that to me!" Like it wasn't until that moment he realized that it wasn't just stories on a tape but stuff that I was actually going to do to him in real life! But even after all that resistance to it, I think Ethan realizes that listening to L&L makes a pretty profound difference for me as a mom. The other day he did something and I lost my temper and screamed at him. About 30 seconds later I went to his room to apologize. After saying I was sorry Ethan sighed and said "That's okay mommy. But maybe you should go listen to your tapes." I probably would have taken offense if he hadn't been so dead on. It's nice to be reminded of what works for me, even if it is from the lips of my five year old. In the meantime, I'll be gentle with my shortcomings and remember that I didn't know much about appropriate anger before I had a child so I shouldn't expect myself to know a whole lot about it after. Baby steps to controlling my temper... Baby steps to controlling my temper...

Last summer went by so fast that it seemed like I didn't have a summer at all. I vowed this year that, even though I wasn't off for the summer, I was going to really enjoy it. Which I totally did! I scheduled a series of Wednesday afternoons off and went to the beach with Ethan. We took a trip to Portland to visit Jeri at the tail end of her pregnancy (welcome to Jack Stein!). We went to Thunderbird lake with my family. I took an extended weekend and went to the Game Fanango in Cuba, New Mexico. Ethan and I rode bikes, played baseball, went for walks, went to Kiddieland, made campfires and played lots of games together. It was the best summer I've had in a very long time. I've finally found a really good balance between working full time and spending time with Ethan in the summer. I'm very much looking foward to lots more fun next year!

I've also started to do a bunch of those things I've really wanted to do to take care of myself but just never get around to. Like drinking enough water. And exercising. And flossing. And a bunch of other little things. They don't actually take up that much time in a day but there are so many little ways that I've been neglecting myself that they've added up over time and contribute to a feeling that I don't take very good care of myself. So, because I love to cross things off lists, I make myself lists of things to do every day and then cross them off as I get them done. I've learned over time to start slow and, as I am successful, increase what is expected. And it's working great! I'm getting on the treadmill! I'm drinking 64oz of water a day! I can't wait to go to the dentist! Okay, maybe that last one is a little overboard :) Mostly it just feels good to treat myself like I'm going to be using this body for a long time and reward myself for doing it. Sushi! Will self-maintain for raw fish! And as goofy as it sounds it totally works. The promise of a good meal at the end of the week is actually enough to motivate me to do what I am committed to but what I often find hard in the day to day. So for all of you, I wish you as much success as I've had lately in figuring out what works for you and doing that!

All my best until next time...

P.S. I've also gotten busy and finally uploaded all the scrapbooks for the whole year. Enjoy!