What an interesting couple of months this has been for me! It seems that someone hit the gas pedal in my life and it's all I can do to keep up. But what a great ride!

Things have really picked up for me in the social area and I find that I often have more things to do than time to do them in. I now attend monthly circle suppers. I go out every Wednesday night for games or dinner with friends or activities at church. I have book club once a month and game day once a month and brunch with my family twice a month. I started woodshop class this semester to make time to work on Sheila and Rob's clock. Plus there are the other activities that drop in my lap - occasional coffee with friends, movies with Ethan and the very occasional lazy afternoon. Vacation trips to water parks and downtown museums. Oh, and did I mention that I'm dating David Jordan again? Just so you know, I waited a REALLY long time before putting this in another F-O-G because I was tired of feeling stupid about not being able to make up my mind. Together. Broken up. Together. Broken up. Together. Etc. The big difference for me is that David has started to take anti-depressants. It makes a world of difference. He described it to me like this (and I am paraphrasing). "Before it felt like I was carrying so much extra weight - pounds and pounds of it and just couldn't ever get out from under it. I weighed me down every day and it was all I could do to just get through. Now it feels like that weight is gone and I'm able to be lighter and be more myself." The change to me has been nothing short of miraculous. We laugh so much more and David is really able to let go and be free with us. We thoroughly enjoy each other and are currently not "working on" anything - a big change from before. Hooray! And all the great stuff about him is still there. He's still reliable and sweet and hard working and funny. He still listens to me in a way that I truly feel gotten and loved and supported. I look forward to when I get to see him and miss him after he's gone. It's been hands down our favorite incarnation of this relationship and I look forward to many more happy days with him.

Work is fine. I've had some very tough weeks but most of that seems behind me. I wish I got to solve more problems because that is what I truly enjoy. But there are just other things that need to get done and so I have to do my share of those too. I did score one of my very favorite compliments of all time and thought I'd brag on myself a little and include it here: "Words cannot express the amazement, incredulity and awe that I hold for Sharon when presented with technical puzzles to solve. She draws blood from a turnip, can make pigs fly, and turns water into gold. All under budget and ahead of time. I bow to her highness." Watch out! My head is expanding! But really - it's great to have that kind of affirmation and totally essential on days when I just can't figure out which end is up. I'm hoping that this position will get easier as time goes on and that I'll start enjoying some of the "other stuff" more too.

Ethan, as usual, is the love of my life. I've spent an inordinate amount of time lately looking at him and thinking how totally beautiful he is. Maybe it's that he's doing SO well on the medicine that we are spending more connected time enjoying each other. Or maybe he's just hit a very handsome stage. Anyway, I look at him and know that he will be quiet a heart breaker someday. And, at the same time, I feel so lucky that I will always get to be his mommy and will always have that special, irreplaceable spot in his heart.

As always, he's been making me proud. Ethan spent a tortured afternoon before his first Karate belt test insisting that he was quitting karate and that he was not interested in that "stupid class with boring stuff". I just sat with him and encouraged him and I actually remember the moment when I saw him finally make up his mind that he could do it. And then went and totally nailed it. He's now an orange belt/white stripe and is enjoying Karate more than ever.

He's also, as always, cracking me up. He's started doing this thing with his eyebrows - moving them up and down really fast - that makes me laugh every time. He also says things like "of course, my darling" that melt my heart and make me laugh at the same time. I have two great stories to share which tell me a lot about how Ethan's brain is working these days:

Ethan's dad announced that he got engaged on New Year's Day. So, of course, all Ethan wants to talk about is marriage. When can he get married? Who can he marry? Who is already married? What does it mean to be married? He spent about a month coming up with every possible plan to allow him to marry me, even though I explained that a mommy can't marry her boy. He was determined to make it work and told me that he was always going to live with me and never move out. Um, we'll see about that. And, after he finally got it straight in his head that he was NEVER going to get to marry his mother, conversation turned to my marital status. Why was I not married to Daddy? When was I going to get married? When would there be a baby? And on and on and on. After what seemed like endless conversations on the topic, I asked him to explain to me why Daddy and I were not together anymore. He explained it this way: "A long time ago, you were married to daddy and you were related. But that didn't work out. So you decide to stop being married and you got ELATED. " HA HA HA! It was so perfect. And when I asked him what it means to get elated, he explained that it's the opposite of being related. Boy did he ever get that right :)

Ethan and I were talking about celebrating Grandma F's birthday. Ethan thought that she might like a rescue hero and I reminded him that other kinds of things are important to Grandma. We thought for a long time about what was important to Grandma and finally decide that the MOST important to her was family. So I started telling Ethan a story about why I thought that family was so important to Grandma F (Mary Jane).

Me: A long time ago, Mary Jane was married. Do you know who to?
Ethan: Pop pop!
Me: That's right! Mary Jane and Pop Pop were married. And after a little while they had a baby. Do you know who that baby was?
Ethan: It was Jesus!

At which point I dissolved into laughter and couldn't finish the story. Mary Jane later told me that ALL the kids in the Sunday school at her church answer "Jesus" for everything and that's it is the right answer to just about every question. I can't wait to see where "Jesus" will pop up at our house again.

I'll leave you with The Pledge

I turned 37 in March. It kind of snuck up on me and then wasn't a really big deal when it finally got here. I spent a week thinking that I was turning 38 because I had already turned 37 in my head so really I got a whole year back this birthday! I did spend some time thinking about what I've learned so far that really serves me and thought that I'd share some of that with you.

1) IT is not about me. If someone is mad, it's not about me. If someone is happy, it wasn't me that caused it. People have what they have and the vast majority of the time I'm just the person that walks by next.
2) THEY are not thinking about me. THEY spend a lot less time thinking about me than I could ever have given them credit for. And I have so little control over what THEY think that the only thing that makes any sense is to stop guessing and stop caring.
3) Unless they ask, people aren't generally looking for my advice. Even when I OBVIOUSLY have the answer to solve their problem. Mostly people just want to be heard and understood. The greatest gift I can give on a daily basis to the people I love is to truly hear them, empathize, and then let them know that I believe in their ability to solve whatever it is they are up against.
4) Life is too short to waste time on things that I would only be doing because I should be doing them. There will always be more dishes. There will always be more laundry. Lowering my household standards has come to mean that I that I have a dirtier house but a much fuller life.
5) I will always see what I am looking for in my life. I can gather evidence at any time for any point of view that I choose. I don't have enough or I am richly blessed. I don't belong or I am loved by many. I am small and insignificant or I powerfully impact the lives of those around me. It's the same life but my experience of it is so completely shaped by what I'm paying attention to and what I am spending my time building a case for.
6) If I get quiet, I always know the right answer for myself. I spend more time than I'd like flailing around saying that I don't know which way to go. But when I settle down and remember what is important to me - what I value the most - then the right decision is almost always clear. I hope to learn to trust this wisdom within me as I continue to grow. And I also hope that I will continue to remember that a decision, completely right for today, may need serious reconsideration in the light of tommorrow's circumstances.

I'm hoping to keep getting wiser (if I get HALF as smart as I though I was when I was 16 then I'll be pretty fortunate indeed!!) and always more grateful. I'm so richly blessed and enjoy life so much more when that is what I spent my time remembering.

My best to you all!