I wish I had as much news as Ethan does this month! Or that I could boast that I've learned half of what he has! But since I haven't picked up another language and haven't learned any new or exciting physical feats, I'll have to be contented with what I have accomplished this month - namely rejoining two of my best friends in the group we used to call the So and So's. When we all lived in Albuquerque, Jeri Stein and Joan Zucker and I used to meet once a week for lunch. The whole idea of the meetings was to have a place to go for love, support, and to have somewhere in our lives where we were held accountable for what we say we are committed to. It was a wonderful structure and I was able to take on numerous things in my life that had always seemed so daunting when faced alone. After Jeri and I moved away, the So and So's disbanded. And although I have kept in close contact with both Jeri and Joan, I have really missed the level of conversation, vulnerability and purpose that developed in being part of that threesome. I think both of them missed it too! So, through a series of conversations, we have decided to give the new and improved telephonic version a shot! We've all selected parts of our lives that haven't been working. For me that means developing "new eyes". I find myself (more than I like or like to admit) complaining about my life. Instead of focusing on the all the things that I love, I so often find myself obsessing on the little parts that can drive me crazy! So my assignment for the last two weeks has been to look for things that inspire, surprise, and touch me throughout my day and write about them at night. I won't go into all the insights I have had as a result, but I can say that it has started to truly shift how I experience the daily ness of life. And lucky for me, I happen to have a great teacher at hand who has REAL new eyes!! Ethan is in a state of constant wonder and seems to be fascinated by everything around him. He reminds me to stop and enjoy the world around me - the christmas lights at the mall, the planes flying overhead. Rejoining the So & So's has definitely been the highlight of my month and I am very thankful to have two such wonderful and insightful women back in my life in an "official" capacity.

Ethan said his first word this month. He crawled straight down the hall, looked right up at me and said "mama"! I scooped him up and said "Say it again! Say it again!" He looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. But I'll take it! It was a wonderful moment that I will never forget! He also says "baby" but you really have to be listening for it. It's funny because a lot of what he says sounds like babble and some of it sounds like Klingon but occasionally he'll say something and I'll turn to whoever is in the room and ask "Did he just say banana"? So stay tuned! I think it only gets more interesting from here...

Ethan also took his first real step this month. (Yes, it was a BIG month at our house!). Ethan and I we were at play class and another boy was a couple of steps away. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ethan get up and take two steps in his direction before plunging toward the ground. And then the world went back to normal and he resumed crawling. I just stood there with my mouth wide open. It was truly amazing to see him get up and walk like it was no big deal. That was early in the month. Now he's cruising around (with his hands over his head like a little monkey!) and can make it all the way from the front door to the kitchen windows without falling. It's about 30 steps. He's a little unsteady, but that doesn't seem to stop him. For those of you that have seen totally fearless children learning to walk, you also know that this means we are up from one small accident a month to three major accidents a week. BIG bumps on the head - massive crying and trauma (but luckily no trips to the hospital). It's a true testament to the human spirit that he just keeps getting up over and over and trying again. He'll take a huge spill and will cry for five straight minutes. Then, after adequate consolation, he's up again and wanting to walk some more. If he were like most adults, he would have fallen four times and looked up at me and said "That's it. I'm done. It's just too hard!"; and insisted on being carried around for the rest of his life. Thank goodness he's got more gumption than most of us or my arms would be TIRED :)

It's funny writing the update today. This was the day that Ethan was supposed to be born last year. Little did I know that I would have two more weeks to wait before his arrival! I pulled this from my 2001 journal and found it entertaining. Hopefully you will too:


Today is the day!! So where are you, biscuit! I have been having some cramping at night and just a little pain, but nothing to get that excited about. I was thinking that you would have come by now, but nothing so far. You are still moving around some. I can feel arms and legs moving on my side. I can feel some downward pressure and the occasional thing that passes for a contraction. I don't get a bunch together though. I am getting pretty big and getting out of bed in the morning is quite a chore. You seem to get planted on one side or the other and getting you to even out over the course of the morning takes a couple hours.

When I think about you actually being here I get very excited!! I pulled out a newborn diaper to look at it – it doesn't seem possible that your little butt will actually fit in that tiny little thing!! But it won't be long before I will not be able to recall the days when I didn't know you. Days when I won't know myself as your mom and you as my sweet baby.

I am feeling anxious as well. Some of the last couple days I have had the experience of sharp pains. I can stand the dull aching ones, but the sharp ones threw me for a loop. That HURT! A lot! I start to wonder if my strong desire to do it naturally will all go out the window when it starts to hurt. I want to be stronger than that, but am afraid that at my core I am a big woosie. I also feel like life is kind of on hold until you show up. I don't want to start anything new because I know it will all get disrupted in a couple days (or weeks) anyway. So I am doing little things like going out to lunch and making my Christmas cards. I don't want to stray too far from home so that I am stuck a couple hours drive from the hospital and having contractions. It kind of limits what I can do. I am trying to really enjoy the last few days I have to do whatever I want on MY schedule and to relax and get extra sleep. I know that life will never be the same and am having a hard time enjoying it exactly how it is today. Hurry up!